You say Omelet, I say... Omelette.

Dear Tricia, I need you to settle a bet. How do you really spell omelet? Is it "omelet," or "omelette?"

I hope you haven't said any regrettable words during this spelling argument because you're both right: it is correctly spelled either way. Its more common to see "omelet" on American menus and "omelette" on French menus, but because French food is fused into lots of American dining, you'll see "omelette" make an appearance on plenty of American menus too. Deciding how to spell it for yourself just depends on how pompous you want to portray yourself as. If you have a mustache, I'd recommend the French spelling.
Originally, the spelling "omelette" belonged to the French; they named it in the mid 1500's way before America was even happening. But when Americans decided to start making omelets, they changed the spelling, because the English language likes to make everything harder than it needs to be.
When you look up "omelet" on Wikipedia, it immediately takes you to the page titled "Omelette," so it may be proper to lean more towards the French spelling. But when have you ever been proper? (I know my readers probably don't fall into that category.) Or perhaps Wikipedia is run by little Frenchies, which is just fine, because Wikipedia happens to do great things for the world, like not letting Scientologists edit their own page on the site. Thanks, Wikipedia.
Also, when I spellchecked this, the french spelling, omelette, came up as incorrect. Again, more proof that either way could be correct.

Other fun facts about omelets:

The Cambodian version of an omelet is called Bi pong moun. Try using that one in a sentence today.

In Japan, the omelet is "Tamagoyaki." But they also came up with a version of it called "Omurice," (and NO, I did not make that up. It really is a combination of the words "omelet" and "rice.") that is an omelet filled with rice and served with a lot of ketchup. I'd like to know who's eaten one of those so I can give them a big hug. Or a slap on the face... I haven't decided yet.

The Iowa Egg Council has a website (www.iowaegg.org) where they give you directions on how to make an omelet in the microwave. Personally, I'm more concerned on why there is even a Council for Eggs, let alone one in Iowa, than I am about the weirdness of a microwave omelet.

In 1994, Japan held the record for making the biggest omelet in the world, but it has since been beaten by Canada, who made an omelet weighing in at 2.95 Tons in 2002. Leave it up to North America to show Japan that yes, bigger is indeed better.

The "Morning After" Breakfast

Dear Tricia, I was doing a little thinking: when you get to the point of cooking breakfast for a boy...you know...you wake up that one specific morning before he does and decide to fill his belly with some snacks and coffee...what do you recommend to make? Keep in mind, nerves are in the picture and I want him to maybe "reward" me or "thank" me for the yummy breakfast. So, my Kitchen Guru...what do you suggest? Forever your fan!

One word: bacon. Men love bacon more than women love shoes and shirtless Brad Pitt scenes in "Fight Club." They love bacon more than we like crying our eyes out to "The Notebook" and talking dirty details about our lives in the bedroom. And to stereotype my gender even more, men like bacon more than we like Carrie Bradshaw and chips and queso. Men could be vomiting up rotten crab legs after a Chinese Buffet binge, but they'll still eat bacon. I've given a 15 pound case of bacon as a gift more than once and have yet to hear any complaints.
If you're going to cook bacon in a pan on the stove, make sure you set the temperature on low to medium heat so that it cooks evenly, otherwise the bacon will burn. Just remember the Beastie Boys lyric "Slow and low, that is the tempo" when you're cooking bacon. Flip it over twice while you're cooking it, and when it's just about crispy, take it out of the pan and put it on some paper towels or newpaper to absorb the extra grease.
If you happen to have a potato sitting around, pre heat your oven to 425 degrees, cut the potato into 1/2" pieces, toss them around in olive oil, salt and pepper, and bake them on a cookie sheet for about 15 minutes until they're tender.
Add some coffee, and I think your special man friend will be quite pleased. Meat, potatoes, and caffeine: what else could he possibly need?

To make things easier on your nerves, here's the order you should follow to get you back in bed faster:
1. Preheat the oven.
2. Wash, cut, and season the potato.
3. Put your potato pieces in the oven.
4. Get a pan hot for the bacon.
5. Get your bacon cooking.
6. Start brewing coffee.
By the time the bacon is done, the coffee will be ready and your potatoes will be almost finished. The whole process should take less than 25 minutes.

If you're an over achiever, feel free to check out some of my other posts on scrambling, poaching, or cooking over easy eggs. On the front page, scroll down to the bottom and click on the link that says "eggs." Throw those babies in a hot tortilla and ooh la la! Breakfast tacos! So gourmet.
If you're not an over achiever, a mediocre achiever of any sorts, or if your fridge is empty, bring him a mimosa. My boyfriend suggested this one, so it comes straight from the horse's mouth. Run down to the Quickie Pickie, grab some cheap champagne and orange juice, mix them up, and serve in a champagne glass. Nothing says fancy like champagne glasses, even if its full of $5 gas station hooch. Having a those cinnamon rolls that come in the pop-open can in your fridge might also come in handy should you be expecting a gentleman caller. Men love cinnamon rolls, even if they're instant ones with diabetes-ridden frosting. Yum.
Happy spooning and good luck with the rest of your morning!

Avoiding the Rubber Chicken

Dear Tricia, I like to buy the already grilled chicken breasts out of my deli and just heat it up at home. Problem is, when I microwave it, the chicken comes out rubbery and overcooked. What's the best way to re-heat it without overcooking it?

Ah, the microwave... so convenient, but you end up with crappy results. (Kind of like eating Taco Bell with a hangover. Get it? ..... Crappy? Ok, I'll stop.) So, you're right: what you're doing is just overcooking the chicken which, in turn, gives you that nasty rubbery texture that certainly won't impress the ladies. Easy to fix my convenience-loving friend. However, you're going to have to turn on your oven. I know, I know. Ovens aren't as convenient as microwaves. But it'll give you a more pleasant reheated chicken experience, and frankly, isn't that what you asked for?

You need to do two things:
1. Wrap the chicken breast in foil.
2. Preheat your oven to 425 degrees (all the way! Don't cheat and put the chicken in when its only at 350 degrees. Then you're just being lazy and you'll end up waiting longer.)

Once your oven is preheated, put the foil-wrapped chicken directly on the rack. Close the door and give it about 12 minutes for one chicken breast. If you've wrapped a couple of chicken breasts (they work better in pairs, don't they? ;) ) in foil, then give them 15 minutes to reheat. Once your time is up, use a towel or a hot pad (don't be a dumbass and use your bare hands because that foil is really freaking hot: 425 degrees of hot in case you can't do the math) to remove it, unwrap the foil, and voila: juicy reheated chicken free of a rubbery texture.
Here's the magical science of what's happening: when you microwave things, the microwave actually cooks the inside of the product first before it cooks the outside. (I know! Crazy, right!) So by the time your precooked chicken is reheated, the inside has been overcooking the whole time. When you use the oven, it cooks it at a slower, but more even rate so that the chicken heats up as a whole, without overcooking one part of it first. When you wrap it up in foil, the foil conducts heat faster and keeps the juices inside. Remember those science experiments in the 4th grade about conductors of heat? Unlike algebra, those are real life skills that you can actually use, especially a kitchen. That's why you cook potatoes in foil, and now why you're going to start reheating chicken in it.