How to Cook Salmon if You're a Diet Vegetarian

Dear Tricia, How do I cook salmon? Love, your pescatarian friend who can't cook pescatarily.

Alrighty my non committal vegetarian friend (is it animals with legs you have a problem with?  Does that include shrimp?), you can do this.   Ready?  Set?  And here we go. 

My favorite easy recipe for salmon requires an oven and a stove.  You're going to start it off on the stove and finish it off in the oven, so go ahead and preheat that baby to 375 degrees while you get some honey, limes, and chili powder ready.

Let's pretend you're cooking 2 salmon fillets.  Are you pretending?  Ok, you'll need 2 tablespoons of honey, 1 tablespoon of fresh lime juice (use the real stuff here- the fake lime juice out of a bottle is like designer impostor perfume, except with produce.  Besides, you can buy 8 limes for a dollar at Fiesta right now.  Go get on that bargain train.), and 2 teaspoons of chili powder. Mix it up with a fork or a whisk until it's you know... mixed.

Get your salmon ready.  That just means taking it out and blotting it off with a paper towel to absorb any extra moisture.   Then take your glaze and pour it over both salmon fillets.  There's no reason to try and be neat here- just pour it over the salmon and turn it over to get the glaze on both sides.  While you're doing this, get a saute pan hot.   If the knob on the stove goes from 1-10, put it at an 8.  Let the pan get hot for at least a minute, and then add 2 tablespoons of olive oil.  Let that get hot for about 30 seconds.  Now take the salmon and put in your pan, skin side up.  If you bought the salmon without skin, then congratulations, you can skip that step of deciding which side to cook first.

You should be able to hear the salmon when it touches the pan.  If you can't, then you didn't get your pan hot enough.  (See my eggs and bacon video blog here for what that sounds like.   Plus, it'll probably make you giggle.)  All you're doing here is letting that glaze start to caramelize while the salmon cooks about halfway.  It's easy to tell when that happens because the color of salmon goes from red to light pink when it cooks.  You can see this happening just by looking at the side of the salmon.  In the meantime, DON'T MESS WITH THE SALMON.  Don't get nosy and start poking it to see what the other side of the filet looks like.  I'll spoil the surprise- it looks like a cooked piece of fish.  If you do this, you'll just break the salmon apart.

When half of it is pink, take a pair of tongs and grab on to both sides of the salmon.  When I say both sides, I mean the sides where you're watching it change from red to pink.  Don't try to slide the tongs up under the part that's cooking- that tear it up.  So, grab on to the sides and gently wiggle it loose from the pan.  If it's not coming up, you can take a spatula and try to loosen it.  Whatever you do, just flip the salmon over.  Then put the pan in the oven and finish it off in there.  (Very important- does your pan have a plastic handle?  Don't be stupid and try to put that in the oven.  Put the salmon onto a cookie sheet or baking dish instead.  Plastic and high heat don't go together very well.)

Let the salmon finish in the oven for another 7-8 minutes, or until there is a thin strip of red left in the middle of where you watched the magical color change that indicates done-ness.  Cooking it until its completely pink means you'll end up with dry salmon because even when you take the fish out of the oven, it will still keep cooking another 5 degrees or so.  So take it out when it looks just under done.
The reason why I say "OR until there is a thin strip of red left" is because it may very well take more or less time than 8 minutes, depending on how long you let your oven pre-heat.  I can't be responsible if you started preheating your oven last Tuesday and now your fish is over cooked.  And don't be afraid to let your own personal preference make the call.  I like my salmon pretty medium rare, and some people like it dry and hard as a rock.  Cook it how you want- you're the one responsible for that, now that you know how to cook salmon.

Go check out one of my other blogs on an easy fish recipe that you can easily substitute salmon for.  Let me know how it turns out!

Cook this Tonight

Dear Tricia, Cod: what the heck can I do with it?  Preferably easy.  Preferably so easy my husband can grill it.  Thanks.

Unless you have a fish grilling basket (that wire contraption that protects the fish while it's grilling so that it doesn't fall apart on the grates), cod isn't the best thing to grill because its super delicate and thin.  However, the technique and kind-of-a-recipe that I'm about to share can be done in an oven or on a grill.  Ready?  Grab your fish.  (Wash your hands first, you grossy mcgrosserstein.)   I made this last night with halibut because it was on sale and I had just finished another day of work on a weekend, so I wanted to cook something fast and easy.  Here we go!

Pre heat your oven to 375 degrees.  Take a big piece of foil (big enough to wrap your fish entirely) and spread it out.  Put your fish on the foil and season it with salt and pepper and a clove of chopped garlic.  Then take whole sprigs of fresh rosemary and thyme and put them on top of the fish.  For a 3/4 pound filet, you'll want to use about 3 sprigs of thyme and 2 sprigs of rosemary.  Then take a couple of pats of butter and place those on top of the fish.  Wrap the fish in foil and put it on a sheet pan.  Throw that sucker in the oven for about 12-15 minutes, or until its fully cooked.   "But Tricia, how will I know when it's done?"  Fish is done cooking when its no longer translucent (meaning it's solid white), and definitely done if you start to see little solid white globs of protein start to seep out of it.  This is called albumin- you'll see it when you cook chicken and pork too.  Its totally fine if you see it and eat it; that just means it's done cooking.  The reason why this recipe works so well is because its a) not messy, b) the herbs and garlic basically steam with the fish and you get that yummy, herby flavor with pretty much zero effort.  You can make this with any thinner, white fish, like tilapia, halibut, or turbot.

As I said before, you can "grill" this too- just put the foil on the hot grill instead of in the oven and close the lid.   Having this on the side while you're grilling burgers, etc, totally ups your fancy factor.  Then when you open up the foil for your guests, all "ooh la la" style, they'll think you really know what you're doing, and you can just smile and pull one of those "What, this simple thing?" reactions.  I love those.

Cod, huh?  Did you know that cod has been a super duper traded fish since the Viking days?  That's the year 800 if you've ever read a history book.  Cod was like corn is to us- it was a huge staple that survived all kinds of plagues and kept money rolling back and forth between countries.  And then in the 1400's when Portugal got all into the cod trading scene, they found out about the killer profitable cod fishing in North America, way before Columbus even came around.  Suck on that, Columbus.

Speaking of Fish... Bones are Sucky!

Dear Tricia, So on the fish casserole note, I wonder if you can tell me what the secret is to deboning a fish. I found some gorgeous trout last week and ended up pitching it out because it was so full of bones it was inedible. Suggestions?


Yeah, that's the thing about eating animals... they have bones.  And when it comes to larger animals like cows or buffalo, or even just chickens, their bones are much larger and no problem to get rid of.  I mean, the best tasting part of a T-Bone steak is eating the meat right off the bone, but that's just not the case with fish.  The bones are small, pointy, and they hurt like hell when you accidentally swallow one, or when you're choking it up. Gross. 


There's really no secret to deboning fish quickly or easily.   If you're talking about buying a side of fish at the grocery store (not an entire fish) it just takes a clean pair needle nose pliers.  It's an annoying, painstaking process that effing blows, but it does the job.  The tiny, skinny little bones that are lined up separately along the entire side of the fish are called pin bones.  I call them pain in the ass bones.  If you lay the fish on its side and run your finger along it, you should feel them just ever so slightly poking out.  Those little bastards are playing peek a boo and its now your job to take your needle nose pliers, grab the tip of the bone, and just pull each one out.  If you run your knife along the bones, that should help them poke out a little further.

If you don't have needle nose pliers, tweezers work too, they're just a little harder to hold on to if they get wet, and you might end up pulling a Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman where she accidentally flings escargot across the room.  Except take out the escargot and charming Maitre D', and add flying tweezers and yourself, frustrated and smelling like trout.


After you've pulled out all of the pin bones, you'll want to run it under water and rinse it off to make sure there's not a camouflage bone stuck on the fish.  Not the best way to surprise your guests.


This is a case where I've found that shopping at a higher end grocery store can come in handy.  If I go to my Whole Foods seafood department and ask them to debone the $60 of Chilean sea bass I'm purchasing, they're most likely going to do it, even if that damn hippie does it with a fake smile.  (And I'm allowed to call them hippies, FYI.  I worked at/got fired from Whole Foods and its true!  Hippies!  Lots of 'em!  But if they'll debone my fish, I don't really don't care.)  If I go to my regular joe grocery store down the street and ask them to debone my fish, they're more likely to roll their eyes and help the guy behind me instead.   


You can debone your fish before or after you cook it, but I find that for ease of handling, it's a little easier to deal with cold fish than hot fish.  If you're not eating the fish right away, you might find that 1. Letting the fish cool down first helps  2. The bones actually come out a little easier when its cooked.

If we're talking about deboning an entire fish, back bone, ribs, and all, my trying to describe on a blog it isn't going to help you.  You need to watch someone, and unfortunately, my video blogs are much further down the road.  So I went on You Tube and tried to find the most comprehensive video (geez, there's so much crap on the internet), and also one with a dreamy looking guy as a bonus.  So far, this one's the winner.  


I'm sorry I don't have an easier fix for you.  Unfortunately, this one just take some good ol' grunt work, but if you're not crazy about the grody feeling of needle-like surprises poking you all the way down to your belly, it's definitely worth it.  Plus, it gives you an excuse to go to the hardware store and buy a fun new toy.  And if you happen to find a pair of pliers in hot pink or perhaps a nice shade of lavender, feel free to ship them to me... I promise I'll pay you back!




*I would just like to point out that yes, that IS Steven Seagal manhandling a fish guitar.  Is it real?  Probably not, but I like the idea of muscles and ponytails and gills and music. 

First Days of Spring and Fish Casseroles

Dear Tricia, On this first day of spring, I'm going to experiment in my kitchen with fish. I have tilapia, salmon, tuna, and cod. I'd like to do some sort of casserole....because I'm a girl, I'd like it to be mildly healthy. Suggestions?

Yes.  My first suggestion is to not make a casserole.  I know, I know... I pimp out old school delights like lil' smokies and meatballs with ketchup and grape jelly like there's no tomorrow, but I have some reservations about telling you to throw a bunch of fish and random leftovers in a casserole dish and call it dinner: it makes no sense.  I LOVE seafood, and I firmly believe it should be eaten with a tad more dignity than that.  (Not that you can't whip up a batch of your grandmother's tuna noodle casserole and enjoy it with gusto- but you're not writing me about tuna noodle casserole.  And I probably can't compete with her recipe.)  I just don't think you should diss the fish.  No one likes a fish disser.

I can however, tell you how to make a really easy fish recipe in a casserole dish.  It's no muss, no fuss, and super healthy.

Any of those delightful fishies in your fridge will work for this and measurements are for 1 filet.  So if you want to cook 4 filets, multiply the recipe by 4:

Preheat your oven to 400.

Have the following stuff ready:

Half a shallot
5 cherry or grape tomatoes cut in half and ready, and mix them with 2 teaspoons of capers.*
1/8 cup vegetable or chicken stock; or white wine

Put about a tablespoon of olive oil in the casserole dish.  You don't need to spread it out to cover the whole pan.  Just pour it in the middle.

Mince the shallot.  (Mince means cut it really small.  I don't want to insult your knowledge, but some people just don't know.)  Spread it in out in the olive oil in the shape of the filet of fish you're using.

Then season the fish with salt and pepper.  I don't like to tell you how much because some people like to use a lot of salt, and some people like to go heavy on the pepper.  Use however much you like.

Put the fish, seasoned side down, on the shallots.  The top it with the tomatoes and capers. Pour about another teaspoon of olive oil on top of the fish/tomato/shallot delightfulness.

Pour in the white wine or stock.  Bake this for about 12 minutes (depending on how old your oven is, or how done you like your fish.  Tilapia is thinner, so it'll probably be done in less than 10 minutes.)

Squeeze a wedge of lemon over it and it's done.  You can also chop up some fresh herbs and sprinkle them on top for a little color and extra bright flavor.  This can be eaten by itself, or on top of a bed of cooked spaghetti squash.  Cooking spaghetti squash is super easy: you just poke a bunch of holes in it and stick it in the oven for an hour.  (Some people microwave it because it's faster.  I like to put my oven to work.)  Then you cut it open, scrape out the seeds, and run a fork over the strands of squash to loosen them.  It's like fake pasta.  Seriously, I haven't eaten pasta in almost 2 years because spaghetti squash is such a decent, low carb, low calorie substitute.  5 ounces has something like 40 calories.  It's one of those foods where you're pretty much burning more calories by chewing it than you are actually digesting.  Move over celery, you've just been replaced!

So that's your quick and easy fish in a casserole dish.  Fish in a dish.  I'm suddenly feeling very Dr. Seuss-like.   It's not a traditional casserole, but it's hella fast and it only requires 5 ingredients.  In fact, when you look up the definition of the word, all a casserole is is "food cooked in a casserole dish."  So I guess I've done my job here.  And I guarantee it'll impress the gentlemen more than tuna noodle.   (Hey, I don't make the rules, I just pass them along to you, my dear readers.)

On a side note, there are some big things happening with the blog in the next week.  Keep checking back for some sweet surprises!

*Capers are something I used to hate. They're a floral bud from bushes in the Mediterranean that are pickled.  They can be a little salty and sour, but I like them with fish.  You can sub these out with chopped black or green olives, or maybe go sweet with some golden raisins.  There's no rules here- have a martini and start playing around with it.

The Truth about Tilapia

Dear Tricia, Talk to me about tilapia.

Talk to you about tilapia? Hmmm, should I tell you about that time it got in trouble in the 9th grade for selling history essays to jocks for $50 a pop? Or I could tell you about that one time it formed an all-girl group called the Hot Sundaes but got hooked on caffeine pills and ruined their chance at mainstream stardom. But you probably don't want to know that kind of stuff about tilapia. I'm guessing you want to know how to cook it. No problem.
Tilapia is a mild-tasting, white fish that lives in warm, shallow, fresh water. (Read: it doesn't come from the ocean.) Its super healthy for you because its high in protein, and low in carbs, fat and calories, unless its farm-raised. Farm raised tilapia is more commonly seen in grocery stores and its actually really high in fat. Try to avoid any farm raised fish if you can, especially tilapia. Its more expensive, but I believe that its completely worth it. Just my opinion.
Because tilapia filets are usually pretty small (you can only eat about 30% of the entire fish, which isn't much, compared to say tuna, where about 50% of the fish is edible), it cooks really quickly. And because its so mild-tasting, you can season it with whatever you want.
If you're on a health kick, the easiest way to cook tilapia is by preheating your oven to 400, putting it on a piece of foil to keep it from dripping, and seasoning it with anything you like: I like to go old school and just use Old Bay Seasoning. But look in your spice cabinet and use what sounds good... anything lemony or garlicky is awesome too. Put it in the oven and it only has to cook for about 8 minutes. (This may vary. If you preheated your oven like I told you to, it will be around 8 minutes. If you turned on your oven and then put the fish in right after then its obviously going to take longer. Le duh.) "But how will I know if its done, Tricia?" Its simple. The fish was kind of translucent when you put it in there, right? When the fish is solid white, then its done. If you're not sure, take a knife and open it up a little bit... the center should be white. And if its just about there, but not quite, you can go ahead and take it out of the oven because it will continue to cook another 5 degrees or so. (This is called "carry over cooking." It happens to every kind of meat when you take it out of the oven or off the stove.) Finish it off with a squeeze of lemon or lime and you're all set to go. Simple, and easy.
If you want to get a little fancier and aren't concerned about calories, try this:
1. Get about two tablespoons of butter ready, and chop up a clove of garlic. (The already chopped up stuff in the jar works fine too.)
2. Get a small bowl of milk ready and take your piece of tilapia and dip it in the milk. Make sure both sides get coated. Then sprinkle both sides with grated Parmesan cheese. Press down on the cheese lightly to make it stick on the fish. (If you don't like Parmesan cheese, you can use breadcrumbs. You can buy them already made at the grocery store, or click here to learn how to make your own.)
3. Put a saute pan on medium-high heat on your stove and let it get hot. (You can also do this while you're coating the fish.)
4. Melt the butter in the pan and put the garlic in there while its melting. Stir it around a little so that the garlic gets coated with butter.
5. When the butter is melted, put the Parmesan tilapia in the pan and let it cook for about a minute or two.
6. After a minute or two, use a spatula to turn the filet over to finish cooking. As soon as you turn it over, turn the heat down to medium. It should take another 2 minutes or so to finish cooking. Again, you'll know when it done when the fish is no longer translucent.

If its taking longer than this to cook, then you're not letting your pan get hot enough before you add the butter. The butter should make noise when you put it in the pan. Noise is good when you're cooking: it means something's happening in the pan. When you get good at that, you can start slamming pots around and slamming oven doors and dropping f-bombs and pretending like you're a professional chef. That's how it is in the real world.

On a side note, I would like to apologize for the month-long gap in my blogging. I got married in May and have been a little preoccupied. But I'm back from my honeymoon now and will get back to my regular writing. Thanks for reading! And don't forget to share your favorite blogs on Facebook and Twitter using the links on the right.

Your Home Schooling on "Sushi Grade" Fish

Dear Tricia, What is the difference between "sushi grade" fish and fish that is meant to be cooked? What gives it a better grade?

Not being home schooled, that's what gives it a better grade. No, I kid, I kid. I'm not trying to pick on home schooled kids, and I'm certainly not trying to pick on their Fundamentalist, Pentacostal wack job parents either.
So this was an interesting question to research because, as it turns out, there is no such thing as a standardized "sushi grade" requirement for raw fish. I've heard the term "sushi grade" thrown around in kitchens for so long that I've thrown it around myself before. And then I when I looked it up, I found out that its actually just an elusive idea that doesn't really exist, much like Gary Busey's career. What we do know is that the F.D.A. recommends certain standards to fish retailers that intend to sell fish that is meant to be eaten raw, and they also recommend the "parasite destruction gaurantee," which is when you freeze fish for up to 7 days at extremely low temperatures to kill any possible parasites. So while your sushi restaurant might say they use only fresh, never- frozen fish, its most likely that the seafood vendor they bought their fish from froze it beforehand to kill anything potentially hazardous.
What restaurants look for in fish that is meant to be eaten raw is fish that doesn't smell "offensive" (such a polite word. I prefer to use the word "stinky."), clean, bright-looking color without any kind of cloudiness, and isn't slimy, like my ex boyfriend.
If you're going to make your own sushi at home and want to buy fish from the grocery store, pick a clean, reputable specialty grocery store and make sure you ask the guy behind the fish counter if they have anything that they feel good about selling to be eaten raw. Hopefully they'll give you an honest answer, and if they don't feel confident in selling any fish to you, go somewhere else. If you're near a Japanese market, that's your best bet for finding sushi quality fish. Again, make sure you tell them that you're looking for fish to be eaten raw. You can also order fish online meant specifically for sushi, and the one that I keep hearing about online is Catalina Offshore Products.
To make sure you're keeping your risk of getting sick when eating sushi low, just keep a few things in mind:
1. Quality is often represented with price. Avoid "bargain" sushi restaurants. Seroiusly, that's just wrong for so many reasons. 2. Avoid eating raw sushi from anywhere that is fundamentally wrong: like a gas station, or perhaps a homeless shelter in Mexico.
3. Go check out the bathroom in your sushi restaurant: is it clean? The bathroom is a good representation of how clean they're keeping their kitchens, and that goes for any restaurant.
4. And last but not least, use your own judgement. If something tastes funny or smells bad, don't eat it. Send it back and stick to rolls that have cooked fish in them.
And one last thing: fish used for sushi will always come from the ocean, never fresh water. So if someone tries to serve you catfish sushi, get the hell out of there, pronto.