Do the Mashed Potato!

Dear Tricia, I love mashed potatoes and make them a lot, but sometimes they get really gluey and pasty. How do I make them fluffy all the time?

This is an easy fix. There's a few different things you can change to make your taters fluffy all the time, but first lets figure out if you're using the right potato.
Potatoes are divided into two basic categories: waxy and starchy. Starchy potatoes (like Russet potatoes) are super high in starch content and don't have a lot of moisture in them. That's why they are great for things like baked and mashed potatoes- they fall apart easily when they're cooked. On the other hand, that's exactly why you don't want to use them for things like potato salad- they'll fall apart when you start to mix everything and just turn into mashed potato salad, and that's gross and then you'll ruin the 4th of July. Waxy potatoes (like Yukon Gold or Red potatoes) are higher in moisture content and lower in starch. That means they hold their shape really well when they're cooked and are better for things like potato salad or scalloped potatoes, but they're terrible for mashing. So first and foremost, make sure you're using a starchy potato if you want to make mashed potatoes. By the way, did you know that there's no such thing as an "Idaho Potato?" But something like 98% of potatoes grown in Idaho are Russet potatoes, so that's what they're talking about if someone mentions these so-called "Idaho" potatoes. Now you can correct them. I like to act really smug when I do that.
Alright, so now that you're using the right potatoes, lets talk about how you're mashing them. And try to sit up straight while you're reading- your posture is bugging me. When you boil the potatoes, the little starch molecules inside the potatoes mix with water and swell up. When it comes time to mash them, you're basically breaking the wall of the little starch molecules, letting out the water, and making the potatoes more gluey. So the more you mash, the more gluey they get. This is why you NEVER want to mash potatoes in a mixer- it mixes them way too much and they get gluey in like seconds. Just remember- beating the crap out of potatoes gives you crappy potatoes. Simple, right?

You can do two things to mash them into fluffy success:

1. Use a potato masher. That's the funny, kind of swirly shaped metal tool with a handle on it. Its really basic, but it works. And remember, just mash the potatoes until you get most of the lumps out and then call it a day. Being an over achiever when you're mashing potatoes doesn't give you better results.


2. Buy a ricer. A ricer is a super cool tool that most kitchens I've worked in use to mash potatoes. The ones in kitchens are big and a little confusing to put together, but now you can buy smaller ones for your kitchen at home that are super simple to use. Its just like the Play-Do attachment that you used as a kid that made the long, skinny spaghetti shapes and it presses the cooked potatoes through small holes without overworking them. Then you can add your hot milk, butter, and all the extra fixings that make your mashed potatoes awesome, give it a quick stir and you're done. If you like having fun kitchen equipment, a ricer is a good one to have, especially if you make a lot of mashed potatoes.


Alright, so now what do you do if you made gluey mashed potatoes and you haven't read this blog yet? You don't have to trash the potatoes. If you've got the time, you can scoop the potatoes into little balls, dip them in beaten egg and breadcrumbs, and cook them in a pan of super hot oil. When they're brown, they're done... drain them on some newspaper and you've got potato croquettes instead. No one will ever know you messed up to begin with. There are some great potato croquette recipes online, especially on the Food Network's website because they're super basic. Happy mashing.

Why Sweet Potatoes are Special

Dear Tricia, I like to eat sweet potatoes and tried to make hash browns with them. Problem is, they didn't brown like regular potatoes and they got soggy. I want the crispy brown outside that you get from regular potato hash browns. Did I do something wrong?


Probably not, there's just a little bit of tweaking that you need to adjust. To be frank, you're not going to get the same kind of result that you would get from regular potatoes, but give me a break... I'm not God.
First of all, you're probably using yams, which are totally different than sweet potatoes, which are a totally different from regular potatoes. Yes, that's right. They're in completely different botanical families, and we refer to them as the same thing. Yet another reason why the English language is one of the most backward languages on the planet. Ten bucks says that one of those African clicking languages makes more sense.
Regardless of whether you used yams or sweet potatoes (we'll use them interchangeably in this entry and get to the specifics some other time when I have writers block), the big difference between potatoes and sweet potatoes is their moisture content. Sweet potatoes have more water in them, and potatoes have more starch in them. Have you ever made mashed sweet potatoes? They're not nearly as fluffy and heavenly as regular mashed potatoes, and that's because there's less starch in them. So when you make regular ol' hash browns, all of that starchy goodness gets nice and golden brown, and that's what you're used to. Sweet potatoes, because they have less starch, won't give you that golden brown color like you're expecting. Fortunately, they do have a lot of sugar in them which gives you some color when you fry them, but you have to be careful not to burn them.
Here's the 2 tricks to good sweet potato hash browns:

1. Don't get the pan too hot.
The sugar in the sweet potatoes is moody and likes to burn easily. So, while you want to put the grated sweet potatoes in a hot pan, make sure you keep the heat at a medium high and no higher. "What's medium high," you ask? If you're like me, and you have a lame electric stove (gas is SO much better), and the numbers go from 1-9, keep the pan at about a 7. Again, make sure you put the potatoes in an already-hot pan with already-hot-and-melted butter or oil in it. Putting anything in a pan that's not hot and expecting it to cook is just stupid. It takes forever and if you're going to waste your time, don't do it while staring at a frying pan... find something more fun to do.

2. Don't put too many sweet potatoes in the pan at once.
Because sweet potatoes have more moisture in them than regular potatoes, they'll want to steam. If you put an entire shredded sweet potato in a frying pan (and I know how much that is. It's a freaking ton.) the moisture out of the potatoes on the bottom will turn into steam, get trapped inside the giant sweet potato pile, and make everything soggy. And you don't want to ruin breakfast, do you? So try cooking the sweet potato in 2 or 3 batches... whatever just covers the bottom of the pan.

So let's practice this. Have your shredded sweet potatoes ready. Get your pan hot... turn it up to about a 7, or whatever is in between medium and high on your stove. Put your butter or oil in the pan and let it melt/get hot. Put an even layer of potatoes in, just enough to cover the bottom of the pan. After a minute or so, go ahead and start mixing the potatoes around, just to make sure that they don't start to turn black. Continue cooking them until they're crispy and season them with salt and pepper. And remember... you won't get the same results as you will from regular potatoes. The sweet potatoes will more or less have the texture of shredded carrots.... but tasty all the same. Magic!
Let me get on my soap box for a second and tell you why sweet potatoes are awesome. Usually I'd just write something about how all the vitamins help prevent cancer and cancel out last night's cocktails... but instead, I decided to write a poem for you to enjoy.

I am the fan of the potatoes of sweet
They make my mouth happy and they don't smell like feet.
They're super high in fiber so their sugar digests slow
So instead of crashing, your metabolism says "Let's go!"
If you're diabetic (Wilford Brimley) its the right starch for you
and even if you're not, you might like them too.
They have antioxidants so you don't get the big "C"
And when you tell your friends, you can give credit to me.

I've Caught the Frenchies Lying... Yet Again!

Dear Tricia, Are french fries really from France?


Oooh, those Frenchies.... always trying to take credit for our food staples here across the pond. This time, they can't take credit. Its actually Belgium that wins the race in this tour de Fries.
From what I've researched, there are two ideas behind French fries getting their nationality-based name. (Frankly, I think they should be called Ethiopian fries because Ethiopia doesn't have much of an association with food. Isn't it time we help them out?)
Some people believe that the name comes from the act of "frenching" something. (Insert french kiss joke here. Its just too easy.) Have you ever had French-cut green beans? They're just regular green beans cut into thinner strips, just like how a potato is cut into thin strips for fries. I personally disagree with this idea for three reasons:

1. Frenching, when referring to the way you cut something, is more often called a julienne cut.
2. You'll more often hear the term frenching in reference to meat, which is when you trim fat off a piece of bone-in meat to expose the bone. You'll often see this in lamb chops and some roasts. And frankly, bones and fat have nothing to do with fries or potatoes.
3. I'm a sucker for stories. Keep reading.

The second idea behind the name goes all the way back to the 17th century in the magical land we now call Belgium. (In my imagination, they had glitter and unicorns everywhere.) According the Belgian history, the lower class were used to eating small fried fish as a nice little side dish to their meals. However, when the winter came and the rivers were too frozen to fish, they improvised and cut potatoes into long strips and fried those instead. (Historically, the poor people of the world have come up with the BEST food ideas. It's true! Go check out my "Corned Beef: the Other Not White Meat" for proof.) These Belgian fries eventually started to become a popular staple as a side dish.
Lets move forward to World War I, shall we? When British and American soldiers came to Belgium, they tasted these delightful Belgian fries and began to call them "french fries" because French was the language that the Belgian Army was speaking at the time. According to the Belgian Tourist Office website, "...even if they are sometimes refereed to as French Fries there is nothing French about them," and then go on to blame the false nationality on a linguistic misunderstanding. Go check out www.visitbelgium.com/frites.htm, if you think I'm drunk and misreading this. (I'll be the first to admit that has happened. More than once.) In fact, according to that website, Belgium is super serious about their Belgian fries. So serious, that they even prefer that the fries be served in a paper cone. Fascinating.
My last reason for not supporting the Frenchies on this one is because if the French wanted to claim the potatoes as their own, wouldn't they have called them "pommes Francais", the literal translation for french fries? But no, they call them "pommes frites" (pronounced "freets") instead, which translates into potato fries. You lose, France.

You say potato, I say retarded.

Dear Tricia, Ok, here is a really general topic. I consider myself a pretty good cook for a dude my age with no training. I can make many sorts of dishes pretty well, but I am never satisfied with my potatoes. I really want to be able to make some good breakfast potatoes and a nice side dish for dinner. They always seem to come out too hard in the center or too cooked on the outside. Am I retarded? I am so scared. It is getting cold and dark. Now there is a bright light.

First and foremost, yes you might be a little bit retarded. But that’s not going to stop me from telling you how to cook your potatoes because, what can I say... I’m an equal opportunity advice-giver, and I also donate money to the Special Olympics. When it comes to boiling potatoes to mash them, there’s a really great way to cook them perfectly without getting them too mushy or too hard in the middle. You know how when you boil potatoes, you’re supposed to cook them until a knife can be inserted into the potato easily? (You didn’t? Well, now you do.) Try taking the potatoes out of the water a few minutes before that, when you can put a knife into the potato, but it takes a tiny bit of pressure to get it to do that. Then, put the hot potatoes in a colander to drain them, and cover it with a towel. The potatoes will steam until the centers are perfectly cooked. (I’ve got to give it up to my homie Ina Garten for that trick. Seriously. Watch Barefoot Contessa on the Food Network. She's kind of awesome.))
For an easy yet delectable potato side dish for dinner, I’m a huge fan of roasting them: Wash the potatoes, but leave the skins on. Cut the potato into 1” pieces. There’s really no method to this: you just want a piece of potato that is big enough to look appetizing, and small enough to fit into your mouth. Keep in mind that if your guests are children or Japanese business men, you'll probably want to cut pieces on the smaller side. All of the pieces need to be similar in size too so that you don’t end up with some un-cooked pieces, and smaller pieces that turn to mush.
Put the potatoes in a large bowl and coat them with a little bit of olive oil, plenty of salt and pepper, sliced shallots or onions, and some fresh herbs. (Whatever tickles your fancy... rosemary is pretty traditional, and thyme is also quite lovely.) Spread the potatoes out on a cookie sheet and roast them at 400 degrees for about 15 minutes, or until they are done. Not sure what done is? Take one out, let it cool off first so you don’t burn off all your taste buds, and try it. Is it soft, but not mushy? Did you enjoy eating it? Then they’re done. If it was hard and gross and you audibly said “That’s disgusting,” then leave them in a bit longer.
If you want something fancier, bake the potatoes on a cookie sheet at 400 degrees until they're the texture that you like for baked potatoes. (This can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours, depending on how crappy your oven is, or if you live at high altitude.) Let them cool a bit, and cut off the top third of the potato. Scrape out the insides and mash it up in a bowl with butter, cream cheese, bacon, more bacon, chives, more bacon, salt, pepper, and anything else that can clog your arteries. Then put the mash back inside the potato with a spoon and cover it in grated cheese. Pop them back in the oven until the cheese is melted. There you have it: a new way to eat your feelings when you're feeling down in the dumps.
For breakfast potatoes, try some old-fashioned hash browns. I’m always so surprised at how many people don’t know how to make them because they’re super easy. Wash and peel a couple of potatoes. Get a cheese grater, and grate the potatoes in the larger grate so that you end up with a pile of shreds. Get a large frying pan really hot, and put enough canola oil (not olive! None of that E.V.O.O. crap that Rachael Ray brainwashed America with, it’ll burn too fast) in it to coat the bottom. You're going to cook the potatoes in 2 batches. Put the first half of the potatoes in an even layer into the hot oil. Sprinkle lots of salt and pepper on the potatoes, and then turn the heat down to medium. If you leave the heat on high, you’ll get burned potatoes on the outside, and raw potatoes in the middle. Let the potatoes cook slowly until the bottom is a nice golden brown. Then, flip the entire thing over with tongs or a spatula to cook the other side. Season it with plenty of salt and pepper too. (It’s okay if you break it in half while flipping. No one will notice unless you audibly drop an f-bomb while you do it.) Cook the other side until it too is golden, and voila! Hash browns. Eat, enjoy, and go back to bed to sleep off your hangover.