The Scary Comfort of Mall-Sized Cookies

Dear Tricia, Thank you for your blog about comfort food, however when I need comfort food, I look for something like chocolate cake, a mall sized chocolate chip cookie, or anything slathered in Nutella. Any help?


If I'm going with the basis of my last comfort food blog and assuming that you want something that won't add cellulite to your butt cheeks, then yes I can help you. The Nutella thing throws a wrench in my research, but we'll get to that later.
Welcome to my office. I'm sorry you are currently in need of comfort and its namesake food. Please come in and make a white wine spritzer: I'm already one ahead of you.
Mall size chocolate chip cookies are indeed a comfort when you're in need. And I'm sorry, but Its just plain mean to put up those Great American Cookie kiosks in the middle of the mall so that there's no escape when your blood sugar plummets while shopping, you get a whiff of chocolate chip heaven, and somehow levitate and then float over to the cookies without any recollection of it whatsoever. Those cookie guys deserve to be punished. Or maybe they deserve a medal, I'm not sure. So, what I've found is a recipe for an olive oil cookie that you can bake at home into your own mall sized cookie. Its lower in fat, and the fat is unsaturated and actually good for you. The cookie dough doesn't include chocolate because most of my readers are looking for quick and convenient recipes, and the olive oil chocolate chip cookie recipes all have about 26 ingredients in them. I'm pretty sure if you're in need of comfort food you're not in the mood to go grocery shopping for 26 ingredients. So, its a sugar cookie. We'll get to the chocolate chips after.
Here's your ingredients:

1 cup sugar
1/3 cup olive oil
1 tablespoon vanilla
Two egg whites
2-1/2 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 cup skim milk

Mix up the first four ingredients in a bowl.
Mix up the flour, salt, and baking soda. Add half of them to the bowl and stir it up.
Add half of the milk and stir it up.
Add the other half of the flour, salt, and baking soda. Stir it up.
Add the rest of the milk, stir it up.

(I know the whole stirring in half the flour and half the milk, etc., seems like a pain in the ass. You want to just dump it all in there, right? Well I promise you this saves you time, elbow grease, and extra cleaning up. Trust me. Or don't. But when you waste your precious time that could be spent at Happy Hour, and 12 Clorox cleaning wipes, I'll be the first one to say I told you so.)

Take the dough out of the bowl and wrap it up in plastic wrap. Put it in the refrigerator for about half an hour before you roll it out. While you're doing that, make another white wine spritzer and preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Roll out the dough about 1/4" thick. If you don't have a rolling pin, just use a can of pan spray or a bottle of liquor. You probably have at least one of those, right? Don't use a can of something inedible (like hairspray) just in case you have bad hand-eye coordination and might get it on the food. No one likes AquaNet cookies.

Here's the fun part: Don't cut the dough. Transfer it on to a buttered cookie sheet and bake it as a mall-sized cookie. Bake it for about 10-12 minutes, or until the edges start to turn brown. Beautiful.

To top your comfort cookie, get an 8 oz container of fat free cream cheese. Beat it real good, like the domestic abuse guys say in the back of the squad car on C.O.P.S., and add about a 1/4 cup of sugar. Beat it until its light and fluffy and spread it on top of your mall sized cookie. And on top of that, you're going to sprinkle MINI chocolate chips. The reason why you want to buy mini chocolate chips is because you get chocolate in every bite but don't have to use as many because they're not as big as regular sized chocolate chips. The portion size is naturally smaller... so try not to use the entire bag, okay? Even in your state of distress, remember this blog and try to resist.
Okay, so what you have there is a mall sized cookie, a basic fat free cream cheese frosting, and your precious little chocolate chips. It's not calorie-free or sugar-free, but come on... I'm not God.
Now for your Nutella request... at 100 calories per tablespoon, this stuff is NOT healthy. Delicious, I know... but it has serious potential to take you on an express train to Cellulite City. So here's what I say when it comes to needing a vehicle for a fatty topping to your mouth: use fruit. It has natural sugar instead of processed high fructose death wish, and it has lots of fiber so you'll feel full faster, along with lots of good vitamins and minerals. When you're buying the ingredients for your mall-sized comfort cookie, go buy a pint of strawberries for dipping into Nutella. Or some bananas, or maybe a mango. Whatever suits your fancy, Fancy Pants.
I hope this helps your need of comfort food! If it doesn't, I'm always ready for another challenge in the battle against big butt cheeks. Just try me...

How to Eat Your Feelings without Getting Cellulite on Your Buttcheeks

Dear Tricia, When I go through a breakup, comfort food is often my new best friend. Although these foods comfort my broken heart, they also comfort my ass and thighs. So what are some comfort foods that won't add numbers to my jeans size? Please help broken hearts everywhere fill the void in our hearts and not our asses.

Oh my sweet, sweet friend... I feel your pain. What's your poison? Mine is an entire wheel of brie eaten cold, and a half a box of wine. Once I even thought about drinking Ranch dressing straight from the bottle, but thankfully, my roommate interrupted that idea. First of all, I'm sorry about your heartbreak, but I know you don't want to hear me spout off all the usual cliches. What you want is comfort food, and that's what I'm going to help you out with, cliche-free. (But I'm going to call him an asshole anyway.)
My idea of comfort food usually involves cheese, and that's where fat-free cheese comes into the picture. Seriously, if you want a big ol' plate of nachos, go rock it out, but use the fat-free cheese to dump some of the guilt. Kraft makes a really good one that melts like regular cheese. I have a recipe that I came up with a few years ago that is a healthy, casserole version of enchiladas, and if Mexican food is comfort food for you, then you're going to love it. It has layers of fat free cheese, refried black beans, and tons and tons of veggies.
Head to the grocery store and buy a few things. And yes, its okay if you're wearing sweat pants that you haven't washed in 6 days. I've totally been there and I'm not going to judge. Here's what's on your grocery list:

1 package of corn tortillas
1 can of enchilada sauce
1 can of fat-free refried black beans
1 red bell pepper
1 onion
1 zucchini
1 bag of baby spinach
1 tomato
1 package of Kraft fat-free shredded cheese

Feel free to take some liberties on what vegetables you want to buy. If you prefer something other than what I've listed, then by all means buy other veggies. Be mindful that carrots and potatoes take a lot longer to cook than squash and onions do, so you may want to avoid those two.
When you get home, pour yourself a glass of wine and start putting together your casserole. Get a casserole dish that is ideally 3" or deeper and no wider than 8" by 11". Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Then chop up your vegetables. Don't worry about making the vegetables look nice, just try to make them close to the same size. You'll also only need about half of the bag of spinach, which you don't need to chop. When the rest of the vegetables are chopped, mix them all together in a bowl. Go ahead and pour a second glass of wine... I'll wait. Ok, ready?
Next you're going to start making layers in the dish. Put 2 tortillas in to cover the bottom. On top of that, spread a layer of refried beans using half the can. Then put half of vegetables over that. On top of the vegetables, pour a third of the can of enchilada sauce. Then put a healthy layer of shredded cheese on top. Repeat this one more time using 2 more tortillas, the other half of the beans, the other half of the vegetables, another third of the enchilada sauce, and cheese. Top it off with 2 more tortillas, the last third of the enchilada sauce, and the rest of the cheese on top. Feel free to pour another glass of wine because if you're like me, you may have "accidentally" chugged it.
Bake the casserole for about 25-30 minutes. Depending on how old your oven is, it may take longer to cook the casserole through, but its done when the cheese on top is fully melted and starting to brown.
So here's what you've got in your Comfort Enchilada Casserole (Enchi-role?): more than a full day's serving of vegetables, an easily digestible protein, plenty of fiber, very little fat content, and LOTS of comfort. The only unhealthy part of this comfort food is the sodium content, but its not going to kill you and it has much less sodium than say... a bucket of fried chicken or an entire pizza. (Hey, I'm just stating the facts. I have eaten an entire pizza. It was ugly.) It also reheats really well in the microwave for when you want leftovers at 2 in the morning. When combined with watching a Sex and the City marathon and plenty of wine, you'll be back to normal in no time, with the waistband of your jeans still leaving you free of muffin tops.