Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The "Morning After" Breakfast

Dear Tricia, I was doing a little thinking: when you get to the point of cooking breakfast for a boy...you know...you wake up that one specific morning before he does and decide to fill his belly with some snacks and coffee...what do you recommend to make? Keep in mind, nerves are in the picture and I want him to maybe "reward" me or "thank" me for the yummy breakfast. So, my Kitchen Guru...what do you suggest? Forever your fan!

One word: bacon. Men love bacon more than women love shoes and shirtless Brad Pitt scenes in "Fight Club." They love bacon more than we like crying our eyes out to "The Notebook" and talking dirty details about our lives in the bedroom. And to stereotype my gender even more, men like bacon more than we like Carrie Bradshaw and chips and queso. Men could be vomiting up rotten crab legs after a Chinese Buffet binge, but they'll still eat bacon. I've given a 15 pound case of bacon as a gift more than once and have yet to hear any complaints.
If you're going to cook bacon in a pan on the stove, make sure you set the temperature on low to medium heat so that it cooks evenly, otherwise the bacon will burn. Just remember the Beastie Boys lyric "Slow and low, that is the tempo" when you're cooking bacon. Flip it over twice while you're cooking it, and when it's just about crispy, take it out of the pan and put it on some paper towels or newpaper to absorb the extra grease.
If you happen to have a potato sitting around, pre heat your oven to 425 degrees, cut the potato into 1/2" pieces, toss them around in olive oil, salt and pepper, and bake them on a cookie sheet for about 15 minutes until they're tender.
Add some coffee, and I think your special man friend will be quite pleased. Meat, potatoes, and caffeine: what else could he possibly need?

To make things easier on your nerves, here's the order you should follow to get you back in bed faster:
1. Preheat the oven.
2. Wash, cut, and season the potato.
3. Put your potato pieces in the oven.
4. Get a pan hot for the bacon.
5. Get your bacon cooking.
6. Start brewing coffee.
By the time the bacon is done, the coffee will be ready and your potatoes will be almost finished. The whole process should take less than 25 minutes.

If you're an over achiever, feel free to check out some of my other posts on scrambling, poaching, or cooking over easy eggs. On the front page, scroll down to the bottom and click on the link that says "eggs." Throw those babies in a hot tortilla and ooh la la! Breakfast tacos! So gourmet.
If you're not an over achiever, a mediocre achiever of any sorts, or if your fridge is empty, bring him a mimosa. My boyfriend suggested this one, so it comes straight from the horse's mouth. Run down to the Quickie Pickie, grab some cheap champagne and orange juice, mix them up, and serve in a champagne glass. Nothing says fancy like champagne glasses, even if its full of $5 gas station hooch. Having a those cinnamon rolls that come in the pop-open can in your fridge might also come in handy should you be expecting a gentleman caller. Men love cinnamon rolls, even if they're instant ones with diabetes-ridden frosting. Yum.
Happy spooning and good luck with the rest of your morning!

1 comment:

Annap said...

You are so funny! You can come over and make bacon for me anytime, I've got the Beasties!! Can't wait to see you!